My headaches have surged with a new force. Just as I thought I was feeling better – I did more – apparently way too much more. UGHHH.
The frustration is immense. How can I find the right balance between doing things and resting so that I can continue to improve but not over do it? That is the million dollar question.
Why do I feel so compelled “to do” things anyway? Why can’t I be more comfortable just “being”?
I am curious – are you comfortable just “being” or do you need “to do” also?
What happens when we stop being able to do and can only be? Does it mean we are less of a person, or that we have less value?
Inherently I think not: and yet, I believe we have been socialized to think we need to do things to demonstrate our value.
Sometimes I try to find the humour in my situation: “The universe hit me on the head for some reason – apparently I wasn’t listening and this is the only way I would slow down enough to hear the message. I am waiting……what am I supposed to have heard? I CAN’T HEAR YOU? LOUDER PLEASE!!! I AM READY!!”.
Then, when I am feeling less impatient, I remember how lucky I am – how lucky I am to be able to afford the plethora of health care providers supporting my rehab. I am fortunate my partner thinks the investment in my health is worth it. I am fortunate that I have a job that I can schedule around my energy. And I am fortunate that my next meal doesn’t rely on my next new client.
I am grateful for the friends and clients that reach out to check in and those that offer to help. I am grateful I can still get outside and exercise as that does so much for my mental health. And I am grateful my mini-trampoline I ordered 6 months ago arrived, even if I can’t use it yet:)
I am so grateful for you. You give me the motivation to keep at this and to share the ups and downs.
I have heard from so many of you lately that you are struggling in your own way too. I want you to know I am here with you and for you.
If you need a boost, here is an evidence-based tool to help – write a letter to someone who has been important to you in your journey – some who made a difference in your life – perhaps a mentor or teacher or loved one. If you can, read it aloud to them. This will give you both a lasting boost in your happiness. Let me know how it goes – I did it recently and I had tears in my eyes as I told some loved ones how much they mean to me.
I can’t wait to hear how it worked for you.